I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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