i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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