Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
