Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
