I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
