but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
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