Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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