the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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