she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
