That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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