woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
