You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
