My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
