it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Shame is for Republicans.
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