oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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