The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
