It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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