Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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