I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i came on her dog
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
