You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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