Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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