Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
