All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
