I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
