she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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