Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
