Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
