Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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