I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
