drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
