Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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