While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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