My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
