Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
