I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
