how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
