When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
