I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
