he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
