I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
