My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
