he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
