i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
