would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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