Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
