the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It's Friday. Sex?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
