With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
