Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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