if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
