I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
